masterofstlouis | (no subject)

(no subject)

He's dreaming.

He knows this because he doesn't dream.

And since the last thing he remembers is going to bed at Milliways, and he's now walking through the halls beneath the Circus, it's not too difficult to figure out.

What is difficult to figure out is why now, after 600 years, he would be dreaming at all.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He forces himself not to step back this time, letting her close the space.

"We are happier. It took hundreds of years after you, but we have each found love again. And we are learning of each other again as well."

Jean-Claude sighs and looks away again.

"I lied. About why I left," he admits past the sudden lump in his throat.

Her blue eyes stare up at him, their bodies close but still not touching.

"You lied?" she whispers. "Why? Why would you lie to us?"

"You never knew how old I was when we were together. My true mother had been dead for centuries by that time. But if I had been truthful, Asher would have insisted on going with me. The heartbreaking irony is that I lied to keep you both safe."

Jean-Claude hasn't told anyone the truth, and hadn't ever thought he would. But Julianna's eyes beg for answers, and he simply can't deny her anymore.

"The ailing mother and sister I went to visit were Belle Morte and Musette. Belle had just taken her seat on the council and had been seriously hurt in the fight. She called to her children. I went to her so Asher could stay with you. I had intended to exchange my aid for her word to leave us in peace forever."

"You left us behind," she whispers. "And they took us. I died... for Belle Morte."

There is a deep hurt in her eyes as she realizes this, understanding the depth of what had been kept from her, what she'd turned a blind eye to.

"How could you lie to us?"

"I was trying to keep you safe," he repeats, acutely aware of how useless that sentiment is in light of the evidence. "I thought Belle Morte was the greatest threat to that. I had no idea then that humans could be so... monstrous."

Julianna smiles softly, sadly.

"Asher did often say you were the innocent one. I can see now he was right."

She wants to touch him, but even her proximity seems to upset him. One might not know it necessarily, but Julianna knows him. She knows him well. From laughter to fear to grief, she knows Jean-Claude.

"You've changed," she murmurs. "Maybe that was inevitable. You speak of loves you each have and of learning one another. It saddens me, both for myself and for you both. I loved you." Julianna reaches up to touch his face. "I miss you."

Jean-Claude leans into her hand. "I miss you too, ma moineau. Every day. I have never been the same since losing you." He turns his head and places a kiss into her palm. "I wish you could meet my new love, Anita. She is so like you, and still so different."

Her smile is gentle as her thumb rubs lightly at his lower lip.

"Ah, mon merle noir, if I could meet her, I don't think you would be with her," she murmurs. "It seems you both have changed much, and it brings a heavy weight to my heart knowing my death brought you both so much pain... separated you when all I ever wished was to keep you together. I am sorry, Jean-Claude... so very sorry."

He nips playfully at the pad of her thumb. "You have no reason to be sorry. It was my own short-sightedness and foolishness that led us all to this fate. Your heart should not bear this burden."

Edited 2009-10-29 05:51 (UTC)

Julianna gasps, and then smiles at him.

"And yours should? You have not forgiven yourself. Has Asher forgiven you? Forgiven himself?"

She gives him a playful whap with her fingers against his cheek.

"I forgave you, even as I prayed you would save us."

He shakes his head.

"How can I forgive myself? More importantly, why should I? My guilt is all I have left of you, save the memories. How can I let that go?"

"Oh, Jean-Claude."

Julianna cups his face.

"Your guilt is not all you have left of me. The memories, yes, and I know you keep those close, but you have Asher. He loved me too. Your guilt -- as well as his, I'm sure -- should not be what ties my memory to you. I would rather it be the love you hold for me, the love he holds for me, not guilt."

"It seems the one is bound up in the other, cherie," he says sadly. "And I feel I cannot untangle them without destroying both."

Julianna laughs softly.

"Mon merle noir possesses a flaw? Surely not, for he would fight against anything in the dark that frightened me, or hold our goldfinch through the night when fears would rise and take hold of him."

She rises up on her toes and kisses him softly, sighing against his lips. How long had she wished to that again?

"I forgive you. It is time you forgive yourself, mon amour."

Edited 2009-10-30 12:28 (UTC)

His hands grip her waist when she lifts up, pulling her against him, and he kisses her as he had done so many times in the past and had never thought to do again.

Perhaps some day, he thinks, knowing somehow that in this place, she will hear him. But not yet.

He can still taste her on his lips when he wakes.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only