Cerulean Sins - Chapters 10-13

[masterofstlouis]

Jean-Claude can't seem to bring himself to sit up straight. He's slumped in his chair, hands folded over his stomach, and so very still. That pleading look from Asher as he'd taken Musette's hand, watching as Musette hurt Asher, drawing his second's blood -- his Asher's blood -- had been enough to rip open wounds he'd rather had remained blissfully ignorant of. But now they were gaping inside him, and the knowledge that it had been Anita to set Asher up for it... that Anita had set Asher up for far worse than just being publicly stabbed...

He is both defeated and furious.

He is also tired. Simply tired. Each step forward for him left him three steps behind by the time Anita was through.

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[masterofstlouis]

"Shh," Jean-Claude says quickly, covering her lips with his fingertips. He doesn't want to hurt her by sending her into a spiral of self-doubt like this, but he doesn't want to hurt Asher either. He just needs her to be sure she considers everyone's feelings, and not just what is most practical for the situation.

"I have already called Asher, ma petite. He is almost at the door now."

[anita_blake]

She feels faint.

Her breath stops, and her wide eyes remain on Jean-Claude. It's terrifying. What she's done -- or about to do -- and the only phrase running through her mind as she hears the door knob turn is, Oh, shit.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher walks through the door hesitantly, all his bravado stolen by Musette, by her mere presence. He holds himself a little stiffly, his stomach muscles a little tender even if they have healed, outwardly. He's changed into a different shirt, plain white, no gold to life the colour, to keep from washing out his already-pale skin.

"You called," he murmurs, hiding behind his hair as he closes the door behind him.

[masterofstlouis]

Before Asher had come in, Jean-Claude had sat up straight, the tired sprawl given way to proper tension. At his feet, Anita still huddles like a terrified animal, and Jean-Claude has a moment when he thinks this should not happen, that Anita will cause as much damage as Musette could.

But he is selfish, and his eyes fall on Asher's face. "We did," he murmurs. His eyes dart to Anita, and when he touches her, she jumps. "This must be your choice, ma petite, and your choice alone."

[anita_blake]

Anita looks at a spot on the floor.

"Why is this my choice? Why do I have to decide everything?"

[masterofstlouis]

"Because you will tolerate nothing less," Jean-Claude sighs.

He hadn't lied when he had told her he was tired. He's too tired for these word games.

"Nothing has been said. We can continue on as we always have," he offers her, pointedly not looking at Asher again. He is afraid if he does he will lose his resolve not to unduly influence her decision.

[anita_blake]

"No."

Anita shakes her head, gathering her courage.

"No, we won't risk him. I won't risk him. I won't be the one to blame if tomorrow goes all wrong and he's hurt because I couldn't get over myself."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher looks between them, lost and puzzled.

"Has something happened?" He asks softly, fear creeping over him, causing him to shrink in even more upon himself. Has Musette asked for him to be sent to her? Is that what they are arguing over?

[anita_blake]

Anita slowly shifts to her knees, and then stiffly gets to her feet.

"It's my fault," she murmurs as she stands. "This is all my fault."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher's still looking between them, trying to read from their faces what's wrong.

"What is your fault, Anita?" He asks softly, growing more worried.

[anita_blake]

As she leaves the fur rug behind, her heels clack loudly on the floor.

"It's my fault Musette has any right to ask for you," she says, finally raising her eyes to his. "It's my fault you're in danger."

And it was, in so many ways, and she knows it.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher bows his head as she approaches, hiding behind his hair. His eyes glint blue through the gold, still watching her closely.

"You did far more than you needed to," he says quietly. "Far more than most of the council would, out of fear of Belle Morte." And, though it pains him to admit it, far more than Jean-Claude likely would have, on his own.

[anita_blake]

Anita stops just a few steps in front of Asher, shaking her head.

"Not knowing what you're defying helps," she says with a shrug. "I've never met Belle personally. I mean, even spiritually she's pretty frightening, but I've never been there for the real thing. It's much easier to rebel when you don't really know what it is you're rebelling against."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher stills, hiding himself behind his hair. He has no need to, now, his skin perfect. But it's automatic around Anita, still. Once it was to hide his face - now it's out of fear that somehow, she will see how much he wants Jean-Claude, how much he loves Nathaniel. He has managed to avoid it thus far, but he doesn't trust it will continue.

"Nonetheless, you have seen Musette. You have seen what she does for entertainment."

[anita_blake]

"Musette wants you as hers tomorrow night."

Anita raises her hand to touch Asher's face, to stroke his cheek.

"But she can't have you if you belong to someone powerful enough to protect you from her."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher stills underneath her hand, looking questioningly at Jean-Claude, then back at Anita.

"What are you suggesting, Anita?" He asks, careful and afraid. "That you take me to your bed for one night, to protect me, and then cast me aside?"

[anita_blake]

Anita's heart beats fast in her chest, and her fingers trail down his throat.

"I'm suggesting you come to bed. With us. Tonight."

After tonight, they could discuss it, but right now, tonight is all she cares about.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher stiffens, looking away from Anita, towards Jean-Claude.

"Did you suggest this?" He asks quietly, unsure still. He wants, so badly. He needs to touch Jean-Claude again, to be with him. But at the same time, he cannot bear to be given one night, only to be turned away.

[masterofstlouis]

Jean-Claude keeps his face and voice carefully neutral.

"Non. She suggested it herself," he says.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

So even Jean-Claude does nto want this. Not enough to have suggested it to Anita, to have tried to save him. That fact alone hurts, and Asher lets it show in his eyes as he looks at Jean-Claude.

"I will not be taken to your bed out of pity," he tells both of them, turning away.

[anita_blake]

Anita wraps her arms around him, holding him, pressing herself to his body.

"No, Asher, no, not pity... Not pity. We don't pity you, you must know that," she whispers against the fabric of his shirt.

[masterofstlouis]

It breaks his heart to see that expression on Asher's face. It is betrayal Jean-Claude sees, and it feels suddenly as if nothing has changed between them. There is still this great chasm between them and no bridge to unite the two sides.

He remains silent, allowing Anita to make the choices. Jean-Claude must, lest he lose this chance.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher laughs, humourlessly.

"Lying does not become you, Anita," he murmurs. "If Musette had not threatened me, if you did not know how much I feared her touch, you would not be inviting me into your bed." He shakes his head.

"I will not be invited in to such pleasures tonight, to be cast away when Musette departs. I cannot bear it."

[anita_blake]

"Why does it matter how this has happened?" Anita asks. "Why can't you just accept it. Come to bed, Asher. Please."

Suddenly, her lips begin to move, and she speaks in fluent, flawless French, and barely understands a word of it.

"My goldfinch, come to bed. Accept what she offers. Come and be with us -- with me and cease worrying about the tomorrow. It is not pity that moves me to agree with her, but love. It is an opportunity we have been waiting for, a chance to love without hiding it from her, a chance for us--"

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"No, Jean-Claude," Asher shakes his head, answering in English.

"It is your desire, not hers," he counters, catching hold of Anita's hands, holding them away from him, unable to bear her touch.

"You would protect me from Musette, and for that I thank you. But I will not have one night in your bed, when I know it will never happen again. You cannot bear to see your men with other men, Anita, we all know this. How will tonight be any different?" To share a bed with Jean-Claude, and not touch him, not fully, is more torture than the status quo.