Cerulean Sins - Chapters 41-42

[masterofstlouis]

Jean-Claude prowls anxiously in his room awaiting Anita, his black velvet opera coat not quite brushing the floor as he paces. It's not like the master vampire to have nervous energy, but something about the past nights have brought it out in him.

Asher, meanwhile, stands deathly still, tracking Jean-Claude with only his eyes. Where Jean-Claude was twilight and darkness, Asher was dawn and the sun, clad in pale gold and shiny leather.

The altercation between the two of them and Anita earlier was still eating away at him, and he knew it was doing the same to Asher. They had been given a brief moment, something close to what they both had been dancing around for months now, and then Anita ruined it by hurting Asher's feelings.

Hurting a heart not yet whole again.

He pauses to glance at Asher, his beautiful goldfinch, bright like day, and a longing in him to reach out and touch, to kiss, to just be near him, rises up as powerful as the ardeur.

Comments

[anita_blake]

Anita sighs, looking away from Asher and back.

"Even if you'd been able to see inside my head," she admits reluctantly, "you would have done the same thing. I wanted you to bite me. I wanted you to be in me, somehow. I didn't care how it was accomplished."

Her cheeks are a rather lovely color of pink as she talks about this, because she doesn't want to be discussing sex or apologizing.

"I just wanted it to be like it used to be for all of us, like it was of old," she quietly admits.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"Cher, it can never be that way." Asher says sadly. "We should never have thought it would be." He looks from Anita to Jean-Claude, his eyes growing darker as he looks at his old friend. "It was foolish of us all."

[masterofstlouis]

"Foolish to try to recapture the past, perhaps," Jean-Claude acknowledges with a shrug. "But that does not mean there is no future worth pursuing. Whatever fascination you brought to ma petite's mind was done well after she made her attraction and affection for you plain enough for all -- save, perhaps, the two between whom it was shared."

[anita_blake]

Anita gives Jean-Claude a somewhat embarrassed glance, and then looks back to Asher.

"He's right," she admits softly. "I wanted you before you bit me." Anita sighs, closing her eyes. "I want you now. Still. I wanted you both inside me then, and I'm pretty sure if we were to get into bed again right now, I would want the same--"

The visual that assails her is vivid, and with it comes a sweeping sensation that buckles her knees. She grasps the mantle tightly, shivering, but it was nothing like that first flashback. Anita gasps, coming back to herself, and slowly opens her eyes as she gets her feet back under her. She brushes aside Jean-Claude's questions of her well-being, and nods. "Nothing like the first time I flashback back on the orgasm," she says with a hoarse chuckle.

[masterofstlouis]

Asher looks confused, and Jean-Claude nods. "She re-experienced the pleasure of our evening earlier today as well."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher arches an eyebrow, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"A shame we could not have seen it," he murmurs, remembering how very loud she was last night, how very visible her enjoyment was.

[anita_blake]

Anita can feel her cheeks heat up. The blushing today is out of control, she thinks to herself.

"I am sorry, Asher," she murmurs, actually voicing the apology. She reaches out to touch him, because the need was overwhelming now. "We don't want you to go... I don't want you to go. Please, stay?"

They couldn't lose Asher, and the need wasn't just Jean-Claude's, and it wasn't merely from the need to protect their power base. The idea of never seeing Asher again actually makes her heart contract, hurt, and her throat tighten. They need him here, and she doesn't want to be the reason he walks away from them.

[masterofstlouis]

"The choice is yours, my dearest friend," Jean-Claude says to him in French. "I will bear you no ill will, whatever your decision. To lose you again so soon will be difficult, but what we have is not bound by distance, and time will find us together again someday."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher looks from Anita to Jean-Claude, wary and unsure.

"I will hold off on my decision until Musette leaves," he answers at last.

"I have never been a patient man, my blackbird. I will not wait in the wings until you are ready for me."

[masterofstlouis]

Jean-Claude nods. "I see. Patience is something I learned the value of over a certain hundred years. Perhaps it is a lesson you should give some thought to learning as well." His voice is empty, his eyes blank, but only due to a considerable effort of will. To have waited for Asher for so long, and have him here now saying that he has no patience for Jean-Claude is a stinging blow.

He turns away. In English, for Anita's benefit, he adds, "That is most gracious of you, Asher. For now, then, there are other matters that require our most urgent attention."

[anita_blake]

Anita, for once, doesn't want to know what they'd said to each other. The expressions on both their faces tell her she's better off not knowing. She doesn't like not having some sort of assurance that Asher will stay, but she lets it go for now.

"Yeah, like Musette and this banquet."

She begins to undress, and gives Jean-Claude a warning glance.

"I swear, if I have to wear something with petticoats and stays and stuff, this will be the last you'll see me naked for a while."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher doesn't say it to hurt Jean-Claude, though there is a part of him that feels a bitter triumph at the thought.

It is not just himself that he must consider; Nathaniel would never forgive him if he were to bed both Anita and Jean-Claude regularly. He must think, before commiting to such a thing.

He arches an eyebrow at Anita's threat, bemused by her refusal to dress as befits the occasion, but knowing by now that trying to force her to do anything is futile.

[masterofstlouis]

"Not to worry, ma petite. I have kept your predilections in the front of my mind. I assure you that it is comfortable and easy to move in, just as ours are."

He does another little flourish-turn to demonstrate.

[anita_blake]

Anita goes to the bed, sitting down to remove her shoes.

"So... Jason told you about Belle? What she did?"

[masterofstlouis]

"That she knows you do not have the fourth mark and has therefore given you the first one herself, oui."

He walks across the room to her, noticing how she keeps her eyes firmly on the ground.

"You will not look at me, ma petite. What is it you fear?"

[anita_blake]

It makes her uncomfortable, knowing the deep down truth of the matter. She closes her eyes, shaking her head.

"If I'd just let you give me the fourth mark, I'd be safe from her. I know that, I just... I can't do that. I can't."

[masterofstlouis]

Jean-Claude sighs and shakes his head. "Non, ma petite. No lies. Just because she could not make you her servant would not make you safe. Right now, she thinks she can have you for her own, to increase her power. If that were to change, she may decide that your death would be simpler. She is very practical in such things."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

"You are both weakened by not sharing the fourth mark," Asher murmurs, moving closer. He's aware it's a little hypocritical considering his reluctance to move forward with Nathaniel, but his life, Nathaniel's life, do not depend on it. Anita and Jean-Claude's, as well as Richard's, may do.

"Neither of you is as powerful without it. You know that."

[masterofstlouis]

He nods. "I know very well. But I also know well that what Belle cannot possess, Belle destroys."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher draws in on himself, pulling away from Jean-Claude.

"Or casts it aside," he murmurs, voice full of old pain, remembered hurts at Belle's hand.

[anita_blake]

Anita looks up from her shoes to look at Asher.

"But she did destroy you, didn't she?" Anita tries to make is sound understanding, but it comes out much like everything out of her mouth comes. Asher's glare didn't leave her unaffected, but she shoves aside the discomfort it inspires. "What I meant, Asher, was that she did what would hurt you worse than death. She turned you from her affections, and through that, from Jean-Claude's bed, since her bed was his."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher glares at her direct manner, though he should be well used to it by now.

"She did not kill me," he murmurs bitterly, "because she promised Jean-Claude she would not." He glances at Jean-Claude, gratitude shining in his eyes, before he lets his gaze travel back to Anita.

"Jean-Claude returned to her court for one hundred years, if she would save my life. If I died, he was free once more. So," he shrugs gently, returning his gaze to Jean-Claude, "she worked to keep me alive. There were nights when I cursed you, mon merle noir. When I begged her for death."

[masterofstlouis]

Jean-Claude looks away, unable to hold Asher's eyes. It had been for his own selfish reasons that he had bargained with Belle Morte. He had not even considered Asher's wants in the equation. With his human servant and lover dead before his eyes, and his body disfigured and in constant pain, how could Asher not have wanted death?

Thanks to Belle, Jean-Claude had conflated the ideas of love and desire, and believed that by wanting Asher to live, by fighting to keep him so, it was an expression of love. But it was only selfish desire -- the true act of love would have been to let him go as he wished.

[anita_blake]

Anita watches the men for a few minutes, and then she stands. She walks to Jean-Claude and presses her lips to his, the first kiss since before their fight. It's gentle and sweet, her hand cupping his cheek. All this sadness wouldn't have been brought up if it hadn't been for her, and she knows it.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs against his lips, filling the two words with everything she is sorry for: hurting him, hurting Asher, and dredging up things that didn't need to be dredged up just yet.

Then she goes to Asher, cupping his face gently and kissing him. It's just as sweet and tender as her kiss to Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude's taste still on her lips. "I'm sorry, Asher," she whispers. "Please, don't leave us. Give us time to find out if we can all work. Just a little time before you try to find somewhere else to go."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher reaches out, his fingers gently brushing Jean-Claude's sleeve in wordless forgiveness, unable to fully bridge the gulf that lies between them, to forgive his old friend, lover. There's too much between them, still, too many years. But he no longer longs for death, and the hope of repairing what he had with Jean-Claude in years past is one of the reasons why.

He kisses Anita back, just as gentle and just as sweet, closing his eyes. He listens to her soft pleas, nodding once, slowly.

"I will stay," he promises, "for now at least."