masterofstlouis | Cerulean Sins

Cerulean Sins - Chapters 10-13

Jean-Claude can't seem to bring himself to sit up straight. He's slumped in his chair, hands folded over his stomach, and so very still. That pleading look from Asher as he'd taken Musette's hand, watching as Musette hurt Asher, drawing his second's blood -- his Asher's blood -- had been enough to rip open wounds he'd rather had remained blissfully ignorant of. But now they were gaping inside him, and the knowledge that it had been Anita to set Asher up for it... that Anita had set Asher up for far worse than just being publicly stabbed...

He is both defeated and furious.

He is also tired. Simply tired. Each step forward for him left him three steps behind by the time Anita was through.

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"When dawn comes, though, my ties with you will drop, and you will feel it then. We must feed your ardeur now, ma petite." He's almost sad when he says it. Though he would never ordinarily refuse sex to Anita, Jean-Claude finds sitting here with her like this almost too comforting to give up in favor of other pursuits.

Anita shakes her head a little.

"You're as tired as I am," she whispers.

"Exhausted," he agrees with a chuckle. "And I would like nothing more than to curl our naked bodies together and hold one another for these next hours. As lovely as sex with you is, ma petite, I would prefer comfort."

His head falls back again, and he looks up at the ceiling. He's not sure he could meet Anita's eyes to say what he says next, even if he wanted to. "In truth, I feel like a small child who has just learned that the monsters under the bed are, in fact, quite real. I want someone to tell me that it will be all right, even though I am far too jaded to believe it."

She doesn't know why -- perhaps it was her own exhaustion or Jean-Claude voicing exactly what she herself had been thinking -- but her mind turns to other times when they'd been this tired, this frightened of the following night. But it hadn't been her. No, it had been long before her.

When it was Jean-Claude, Asher, and their beloved Julianna. How many times she'd whispered her fear to them, allowing them to feel their own and take comfort in simple embraces? So many nights when she would lay with them, warm flesh to warm flesh, and give them the ability to fear and be comforted. They had loved her, truly loved her, and her love for them had allowed them to be lovers for so long.

To become as close as they had.

Anita has seen the way Asher looks at Jean-Claude, the longing in his eyes, the tenseness around his eyes and mouth. She's seen the same in Jean-Claude when he looks upon Asher, even more so now that the scars were gone. She knows what they want, what they crave, but she was Julianna.

Anita could never been the sweet, kind, patient woman she had been.

But, she could offer them something. She could offer them sort of what they wanted while also protecting Asher. The question was, could she really do it?

Less exhausted, he might be able to follow something of her thoughts through the marks. As it is, though, he has neither the concentration nor the desire.

"You look troubled, ma petite. Is there something else wrong that I do not know of?"

Anita slowly lifts her head from his lap and looks up at him.

"Jean-Claude," she begins, letting out a long breath. "If Asher were... if he were truly in a ménage à trois with us... Musette wouldn't be able to touch him, would she?"

His face and voice go carefully neutral. He's completely taken aback by the question, and unsure of what answer Anita is expecting.

"If we could have said truthfully that he shares our bed, he would have been safe tonight, yes."

She licks her lips nervously.

"If we called him to us tonight, and he... if we... he'd be safe, right?"

"That would be true," he replies, as if they were discussing in hypotheticals and nothing more.

Anita shakes her head.

"If I'd just let you and Asher be together when I'm not around, this wouldn't even be an issue. But I can't. In theory, I can see why two men would want to be together, but I can't handle a man I'm dating being with another man. If you were wish Asher, I'd dump your ass, I would, and it's hypocritical of me because I have Micah, and I'm practically fucking Nathaniel, and I was with Richard until a few months ago, and you're only allowed to be with me, but I can't wrap my mind around you with Asher, and I don't know why and I don't know I'll ever know why or if it'll ever change--"

She finally takes a breath, and she fully intends on continuing to ramble if Jean-Claude doesn't interrupt her.

"Richard is the only one of your lovers who has ever refused to allow me to join them in your bed," he points out.

And it is hypocritical, he knows, but it is a hypocrisy that he has indulged in her so far, trusting in her own sense of justice and fair play to eventually open her eyes to that simple truth.

"You take blood from the men because I still won't give that to you, but it's not the same," she murmurs. "It's not... sex. Not really."

"No, it isn't. But I have never complained nor asked for more."

Neither would have likely been effective, of course. Sometimes, the key to getting what you want is to make the other person believe that it was their idea in the first place. It requires an enormous amount of patience at times, but Jean-Claude is nothing if not patient.

Anita looks up at him, thinking this is one of the most honest conversations they've ever had.

"But you want more. I've felt what you feel when you look at Asher. It hurts, sometimes, to be in the same room with the two of you. You want him as much as you want me, and I stand in the way of that."

"I am sorry, ma petite."

Sorry that he can't deny it. Sorry that it hurts her. Sorry that he can't wrap her in his arms and tell her that she's the only one he'll ever want.

She sighs, shaking her head a little.

"I can't let you be with him, and I can't be with him, but... Sometimes I remember what it was like for the three of you. How safe you all felt. I often times forget they aren't my memories, but I remember them just the same. I want what the three of you had." Her voice drops. "It seems a lot more peaceful than what we're currently managing."

Anita hugs her knees to her chest.

"I don't know if I can really do it, Jean-Claude, but I want to try. Can... can we please try?"

"Try what?" he asks, head tilted slightly. "And, please, ma petite, be clear in what it is you ask. It is too important a thing to be misunderstood in euphemism or metaphor."

Because if she really means what she appears to, this could be an extremely interesting night after all.

Anita can't look at him when she speaks.

"Bring him into bed with us," she murmurs. "I don't know how far I can go, but I want Asher warm and naked beside us. I want to protect him, to make him not flinch like he did when Musette would look at him. I want to maybe brush some of the shadows from his eyes. I want him safe, however we have to do that."

"And what of your Nimir-Raj? Will he not be angry about sharing you with yet another man?"

Because it's more than just him and Anita concerned with, more even than him, Anita, and Asher. Jean-Claude needs to know that she has thought this through enough to accept any consequences that may come.

"Micah thought the three of us were already intimate. Yes," she says at the raised eyebrow she's given, "I did correct him, but Micah's practical. What I'm offering isn't solely out of love or lust. It secures our power base. If we do this, Asher's pain can't be used against us. Micah will understand."

The look he gives her isn't entirely pleasant, and he knows it, but he can't help it.

"Secures our power base. Of course. How practical of you, ma petite."

Anita blinks at that response, not liking the edge she sees in Jean-Claude's eyes, in his tone.

"What? I learned from the best how important power is, how important it is to be practical."

Practicality was rarely a concern of his where matters of the heart are concerned, but he does not bother to voice that to her. It is clear to him that Anita will not view any intimacy with Asher tonight as anything truly meaningful, but merely as a misguided attempt to 'protect' him by using him the same way Musette would use him.

But, in the end, it's not for him to say yes or no. And so, he sends out a wordless summons to Asher. It is ultimately going to be his decision, not Jean-Claude's.

While he waits, though, there is another question that needs to be asked. "And do you intend to bring him to our bed for only this one night?"

Anita frowns.

"Does it matter?"

Fortunately, Jean-Claude is too cultured to scream in frustration.

"I expect it will matter a great deal to him."

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