Cerulean Sins - Chapters 10-13

[masterofstlouis]

Jean-Claude can't seem to bring himself to sit up straight. He's slumped in his chair, hands folded over his stomach, and so very still. That pleading look from Asher as he'd taken Musette's hand, watching as Musette hurt Asher, drawing his second's blood -- his Asher's blood -- had been enough to rip open wounds he'd rather had remained blissfully ignorant of. But now they were gaping inside him, and the knowledge that it had been Anita to set Asher up for it... that Anita had set Asher up for far worse than just being publicly stabbed...

He is both defeated and furious.

He is also tired. Simply tired. Each step forward for him left him three steps behind by the time Anita was through.

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[masterofstlouis]

"Richard is the only one of your lovers who has ever refused to allow me to join them in your bed," he points out.

And it is hypocritical, he knows, but it is a hypocrisy that he has indulged in her so far, trusting in her own sense of justice and fair play to eventually open her eyes to that simple truth.

[anita_blake]

"You take blood from the men because I still won't give that to you, but it's not the same," she murmurs. "It's not... sex. Not really."

[masterofstlouis]

"No, it isn't. But I have never complained nor asked for more."

Neither would have likely been effective, of course. Sometimes, the key to getting what you want is to make the other person believe that it was their idea in the first place. It requires an enormous amount of patience at times, but Jean-Claude is nothing if not patient.

[anita_blake]

Anita looks up at him, thinking this is one of the most honest conversations they've ever had.

"But you want more. I've felt what you feel when you look at Asher. It hurts, sometimes, to be in the same room with the two of you. You want him as much as you want me, and I stand in the way of that."

[masterofstlouis]

"I am sorry, ma petite."

Sorry that he can't deny it. Sorry that it hurts her. Sorry that he can't wrap her in his arms and tell her that she's the only one he'll ever want.

[anita_blake]

She sighs, shaking her head a little.

"I can't let you be with him, and I can't be with him, but... Sometimes I remember what it was like for the three of you. How safe you all felt. I often times forget they aren't my memories, but I remember them just the same. I want what the three of you had." Her voice drops. "It seems a lot more peaceful than what we're currently managing."

Anita hugs her knees to her chest.

"I don't know if I can really do it, Jean-Claude, but I want to try. Can... can we please try?"

[masterofstlouis]

"Try what?" he asks, head tilted slightly. "And, please, ma petite, be clear in what it is you ask. It is too important a thing to be misunderstood in euphemism or metaphor."

Because if she really means what she appears to, this could be an extremely interesting night after all.

[anita_blake]

Anita can't look at him when she speaks.

"Bring him into bed with us," she murmurs. "I don't know how far I can go, but I want Asher warm and naked beside us. I want to protect him, to make him not flinch like he did when Musette would look at him. I want to maybe brush some of the shadows from his eyes. I want him safe, however we have to do that."

[masterofstlouis]

"And what of your Nimir-Raj? Will he not be angry about sharing you with yet another man?"

Because it's more than just him and Anita concerned with, more even than him, Anita, and Asher. Jean-Claude needs to know that she has thought this through enough to accept any consequences that may come.

[anita_blake]

"Micah thought the three of us were already intimate. Yes," she says at the raised eyebrow she's given, "I did correct him, but Micah's practical. What I'm offering isn't solely out of love or lust. It secures our power base. If we do this, Asher's pain can't be used against us. Micah will understand."

[masterofstlouis]

The look he gives her isn't entirely pleasant, and he knows it, but he can't help it.

"Secures our power base. Of course. How practical of you, ma petite."

[anita_blake]

Anita blinks at that response, not liking the edge she sees in Jean-Claude's eyes, in his tone.

"What? I learned from the best how important power is, how important it is to be practical."

[masterofstlouis]

Practicality was rarely a concern of his where matters of the heart are concerned, but he does not bother to voice that to her. It is clear to him that Anita will not view any intimacy with Asher tonight as anything truly meaningful, but merely as a misguided attempt to 'protect' him by using him the same way Musette would use him.

But, in the end, it's not for him to say yes or no. And so, he sends out a wordless summons to Asher. It is ultimately going to be his decision, not Jean-Claude's.

While he waits, though, there is another question that needs to be asked. "And do you intend to bring him to our bed for only this one night?"

[anita_blake]

Anita frowns.

"Does it matter?"

[masterofstlouis]

Fortunately, Jean-Claude is too cultured to scream in frustration.

"I expect it will matter a great deal to him."

[anita_blake]

Anita bows her head, resting her brow on her knees.

"I don't know. I just want Asher safe, Jean-Claude. I want him protected. If this works, wonderful, but what if it doesn't work? Will he leave us? Will he have to go away? Would you ever forgive me for being the reason he goes? Will it just hurt both you and Asher even more than you're already hurting? Will--"

[masterofstlouis]

"Shh," Jean-Claude says quickly, covering her lips with his fingertips. He doesn't want to hurt her by sending her into a spiral of self-doubt like this, but he doesn't want to hurt Asher either. He just needs her to be sure she considers everyone's feelings, and not just what is most practical for the situation.

"I have already called Asher, ma petite. He is almost at the door now."

[anita_blake]

She feels faint.

Her breath stops, and her wide eyes remain on Jean-Claude. It's terrifying. What she's done -- or about to do -- and the only phrase running through her mind as she hears the door knob turn is, Oh, shit.

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher walks through the door hesitantly, all his bravado stolen by Musette, by her mere presence. He holds himself a little stiffly, his stomach muscles a little tender even if they have healed, outwardly. He's changed into a different shirt, plain white, no gold to life the colour, to keep from washing out his already-pale skin.

"You called," he murmurs, hiding behind his hair as he closes the door behind him.

[masterofstlouis]

Before Asher had come in, Jean-Claude had sat up straight, the tired sprawl given way to proper tension. At his feet, Anita still huddles like a terrified animal, and Jean-Claude has a moment when he thinks this should not happen, that Anita will cause as much damage as Musette could.

But he is selfish, and his eyes fall on Asher's face. "We did," he murmurs. His eyes dart to Anita, and when he touches her, she jumps. "This must be your choice, ma petite, and your choice alone."

[anita_blake]

Anita looks at a spot on the floor.

"Why is this my choice? Why do I have to decide everything?"

[masterofstlouis]

"Because you will tolerate nothing less," Jean-Claude sighs.

He hadn't lied when he had told her he was tired. He's too tired for these word games.

"Nothing has been said. We can continue on as we always have," he offers her, pointedly not looking at Asher again. He is afraid if he does he will lose his resolve not to unduly influence her decision.

[anita_blake]

"No."

Anita shakes her head, gathering her courage.

"No, we won't risk him. I won't risk him. I won't be the one to blame if tomorrow goes all wrong and he's hurt because I couldn't get over myself."

[ash-imperfect.livejournal.com]

Asher looks between them, lost and puzzled.

"Has something happened?" He asks softly, fear creeping over him, causing him to shrink in even more upon himself. Has Musette asked for him to be sent to her? Is that what they are arguing over?

[anita_blake]

Anita slowly shifts to her knees, and then stiffly gets to her feet.

"It's my fault," she murmurs as she stands. "This is all my fault."